From High School (non) Musical

Failure, captain of the Roswell High surgical decathlon team, begs Gaberella, a new student, to join up.  While in the play it's performed by a female teen, it's possible for a male actor to do this monologue as well.  High School (non) Musical, my parody of Disney's High School Musical, is published by Playscripts.  Click here to order a copy.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

FAILURE

(in one manic burst)
Don’t make me beg. I will totally beg if I have to, because we’ve never won a surgery on a real person and I know you’re like a superstar no a legend no a goddess and I know if you join the team you can handle the brain surgery with one hand tied behind your back not really of course but it’s an expression and better yet if you do it then I can move down to a second seed and that’s only a splenectomy and that’s so much easier and so much less pressure than a human brain because we all know brains are fragile and it’s so easy to mess them up which is why we need you because I keep messing them up because as hard as I work I’m really not naturally talented.