From Neverland

This was originally written as just a voice, part of Peter's disastrous college graduation ceremony in Neverland, which received its world premiere at City Theater Company (Wilmington, DE). You may substitute "damn" or any less offensive expletive for "shit."

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

A DIGNIFIED VOICE

With this ring, I thee wed. Repeat after me. With this ring—shit!
(beat)
Hang on.
(sound of cue cards flipping)
Members of the class of wa, wa, wa, we are gathered here today—shit—
(to itself)
I suppose that could work.
(to all)
Faculty, alumni, parents, grandparents, friends, enemies, pets and members of the class of wa, wa, wa, we are gathered here to celebrate the culmination of four—except for those who accelerated their course of study through advanced placement courses—four—or those who took time off—four—or who took a lighter than usual load because of medical problems. For example, chronic fatigue syndrome. But in general, this is the culmination of four years of work, of rigorous study,
(Peter's mother pulls out a straw and a wad of paper. She builds spitballs and begins shooting them at Peter.)
of intense self-examination, scrutiny,
(She hits Peter.)
even personal attack. Physical attack, possibly by other people.
(Mother continues to launch spitballs.)
Betrayal. Finding the fifth rib—and twisting the knife.