From Now You See Me

A psychologist, age indeterminate, talking to a bed-ridden character—played by both a Boy and a Girl, from Now You See Me.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

PSYCHOLOGIST

(to the Patient’s Mother, who has just left the room)
You forgot the socks!
(to Boy)
I have germ issues. When I was little, I was so afraid of catching a germ and becoming infected that I wet my bed. That went on for three years. No—three and a half years. I stopped wetting my bed when I was nine.
(The Psychologist takes out a surgical mask.)
Do you mind if I put this on? Your mother left the socks, and she hasn’t returned with disinfectant.
(The Psychologist puts the mask on.)
If you were a girl, I wouldn’t have to wear this—I’d probably just wear a nice pair of latex gloves—but boys play very actively, and I don’t know what you were doing before you got into that bed.
(Enter the Girl, who replaces the Boy.)
Thank you for considering my needs.
(The Psychologist takes off the mask.)
Girls are so much easier to talk to—at least for me.
(The Psychologist puts on latex gloves.)
See? Much easier.
(beat)
Why don’t you want to get out of bed? And why hasn’t your mother come back for the socks? Mother!
(to the Girl again)
Tell me about your bed issue.
(beat)
Why don’t you want to tell me about your bed issue?